Lounge Pants

I haven't posted for a while, but I've had nothing to say of interest... not that my last posts were interesting...

Anyway... LOUNGE PANTS!! They are the future. They're basically just pyjama bottoms, but no man who is cool wears pyjamas. We sleep naked. The reason for this is simple, so we can be ready at any point in the night to have sex with our partner should she wake up at 4am feeling like she wants it, although, since time began, this is yet to happen, we still sleep naked, just incase, and the removal of clothing may ruin the moment.

So yesterday I got some of these bad boys from TK Maxx, and spent the whole of Sunday lounging around, I watched TV, I played Xbox and cooked tea, I couldn’t of done this in my jeans, no chance, and I couldn’t really of done it naked, pizza and genitals is never a good mix.

They will redefine your whole life, just don’t wear them to bed, you might miss out on sex :(

Video+

At home, I have Sky+ HD. It's pretty awesome. Picture quality is impressive, sounds good and the Electronic Program Guide is easy to use. It's pretty simple too, it sets itself up, so there's no need to put the time and date in like your programming the clock on your microwave only for somebody else to come along and turn it off at the wall rendering your 40 minutes of hard work useless as you, as a male, refuse to use the 5 step easy set up guide. It made me wonder how people coped with missing TV shows before the Sky+ revolution.

There was of course Video+. This was a great concept, every show (well most) had a unique code that you could programme in to your VCR and by magic it would record the show you wanted to watch. Only thing is, I don’t think I've ever met anyone who ever got this to work. My dad for instance, was determined to use the Scotch cassettes to record on long play when we went out and he wanted to record something, forcing you to fast forward through 4 hours of shit before getting to the film you were after, only for it to cut off just before then end and you never get to find out what happens after then fun fair at the end of Grease.

Thankfully Sky+ sorts this problem... Unless somebody puts Hollyoaks to record and it overwrites your recording, so rather than finding out the end to Grease, you instead find out whose turn it is this week to shag the barmaid.

Parents do the funniest things..

There was once a baby boy born in India, his name was Ramachandra. His parents had had 3 sons before him who had all died at a very young age, and a daughter who hadn't. So his parents (believing that there sons were all cursed) who must have taken a good, twenty-twenty minutes deciding, took the only logical option with their new born son... They dressed him as baby girl, pierced his nose and gave him a nose ring. They treated him as a girl for several years until they had another son. This earned they boy the nick name 'Nathuram' literally meaning, Ram with a nose ring. He later grew up to assassinate Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi, aka Mahatma Gandhi (or Gandhi to his best friend Michael J. Fox).

Ramchandra 'Nathuram' Godse was charged with another man Narayan Apte for Gandhi’s death, after Apte had predicted it using his self proclaimed 'expert' future prediction. He claimed that by murdering Gandhi, India and Pakistan would be 'MAGICALLY' reunified.

OK so here’s where it gets so interesting, you may possibly have to pick you jaw up off the floor. Ramachandra Godse is an anagram for "Chased Mandragora", Mandragora is the Latin name for the Mandrake plant, a plant that has long since been considered to posses MAGICAL properties.

So here's my theory (and yes it is mine I didn’t steal it) Apte thought that because Godse's name can be rearranged to spell the name of 'magical' plant, that was the magic that would reunite India with Pakistan. I can only imagine the "chased" bit referred to Gandhi running away before being shot, 3 times, at point blank range, using (WAIT FOR IT)

A GUN MADE FROM A MANDRAKE PLANT*

CASE CLOSED

*this part of the story may or may not be true but it finish it off nicely